“Ok, so why do you even care? Change the channel if you don’t like it, there are plenty of people who would buy this thing (myself not included).”
So why are you arguing with me then? By your logic, you should just “change the channel“…right? Wouldn’t that also apply to your bitching about Rods, Frank Luntz, or any of the other shit you’ve complained about on this page? Shouldn’t you have changed the channel instead of jumping on here to launch into a bitch fest? I was writing my assessment of a new piece of hardware. Granted, I knew full well that you’d jump to Apple’s defense…whether you intend to buy this thing or not.
BTW, the reasons you cited against the Sony are total fanboy shit…and I noticed you didn’t mention all the things that that the Sony has that the Air doesn’t and never will (replaceable battery, DVD burner, integrated cellular modem, etc.). If you absolutely have to, you can add a camera for $30, and some of us are perfectly happy NOT using OS X, believe it or not…whether I pay for the software I use or not, it’s still WINDOWS BASED SOFTWARE, numbnuts. I’m relatively certain that if I wanted to, I could get *free* software for a Mac. Nothing you can say about MacOS equals the cost difference that Apple demands for their overpriced yuppie computers…not by a long shot.
This is last I’m going to say about this topic, because it’s clear that even with overwhelming logic and cold-hard facts, you won’t be able to take your Apple-branded glasses off long enough to allow someone else to give their opinion of this bullshit. Instead of feeling free to say what I want about Apple’s ‘innovation’, I’ll just change the fuckin channel.
“Don’t assume that I want to ‘run OS X natively’ either…I’m fine with all of the applications I have [STOLEN] that run in windows, thank you.” (emphasis, truth mine)
Ok, so why do you even care? Change the channel if you don’t like it, there are plenty of people who would buy this thing (myself not included). One of the people I work with is preordering one today with the SSD option. Soothsaying aside, I think apple will be just fine. People who want more options but can care less about the size, weight, and looks will buy the Pro or the MacBook.
Also, that Sony that you quoted is a Sony, remember (with no camera, not as light, doesn’t come with iLife ’08, and doesn’t run OS X [without an assload of hassle])? You get what you pay for.
I’m mean you’re just like me. You complain about people being stupid (by our opinion) in being “duped” by products we deem inferior. You think that about the majority if not all of Apple’s products, and I feel that about the PC platform and the majority of what Microsoft produces.
Oddly enough the people who we complain about buy this stuff, use it, and we support them. They actually produce we just bitch about the technology and help them use it.
Good points to be sure, but I did say in both articles that I’m not a journalist, nor do I play one on TV. It’s simply my duty to point out that Apple is trying to explain that simply deleting 75% of a normal laptops features to make their laptop superthin is an innovative approach.
How innovative is software that ‘borrows’ the optical drive from another computer? Some call it a network share. Not to mention the fact that included in the box with the Airess is an OSX install DVD that you won’t be able to run unless you buy their usb superdrive…right?
The permanent battery is a total fuck over on their part. You can’t tell me that they couldn’t have made a battery compartment similar to that on a cellphone for battery removal…they are simply guaranteeing a future profit when you have to have a genius replace your battery for an exorbitant fee.
Don’t assume that I want to ‘run OS X natively’ either…I’m fine with all of the applications I have that run in windows, thank you.
And as for the Sony (re: less features, more money)…oops…
Not to be too stand-off-ish here but your 2 year old laptop probably doesn’t weigh 3 pounds, have built-in 802.11n, or run OS X natively, so as far as comparisons go its a little misleading. I’m personally pissed about the non-servicable battery in the fucking thing, but I digress…
Some oversights:
1. You have the option (though at $1200, I wouldn’t pay for it) to get a 64GB SSD drive installed instead of the 80GB 1.8″ SATA 2. Your laptop and the MacBook Air are in different classes entirely. Ultraportables are going to cost more and have less features. Look at Sony… 3. Who the FUCK would shell out 2 grand on a MacBook Air and still be using dialup?! 4. You can buy USB cellular modems (Sprint’s Sierra Wireless models are my favorite, EVO rev.A baby!) and don’t have to get a PCMCIA, ExpressCard or built-in option, so that’s mute. 5. Though it’s not my cup of teabags, I’m sure there are people out there who would seriously be interested in a model that is less complicated, and with the right (see: large) amount of money can have a 13″ dual core widescreen laptop with no moving parts.
You have to admit that some of the things you want in a laptop are detriments to others. And don’t assume that just because someone doesn’t want an optical drive on their laptop that they are too stupid to know what one is used for. You’ve stated pretty clearly that you fell that this isn’t your favorite Apple product released of late, and that’s fine. But the impression that I’m getting from your thoughtful response it that you feel that if something it negative to your computer needs then it should be marketed negatively.
e.g. MacBook Air – It doesn’t even have an ethernet port… MacBook Air – What’s a DVD?
Well, in response to that, the original iMac was built around simplicity and it sold very well. It pulled out the floppy drive and relied on a new and unloved port, that being the Universal Serial Bus (not really supported by many PC’s at the time), which is now the the calk of the walk. A lot a people (the computer savvy) were upset about the loss of the floppy and standard mac serial ports, but these changes brought the Mac to a usability and compatibility that Mac users pre-1995 wouldn’t even have dreamed of.
Honestly I can’t remember the last time I connected my laptop via ethernet (minus at work where it doesn’t move around). Maybe an all wireless device is the way to go, as long at the N speeds are satisfactory. At least you have the option of adding one with an adapter should you feel the need. When the serial ports were pulled out of Mac’s in the 90′s you had to buy serial to USB adapters too.
Sure, the marketing can get out of control, but that’s marketing, to sell you on it’s pluses. Even if some of its pluses are minuses to some.
Magic John Stone here with more rage focused on everyone’s favorite Zealots. Ever since Tuesday, when I wrote my article about the Air blowing (lol), I’ve read at least an article a day about the Air and how Apple is trying to trick-fuck consumers into biting the bullet for 1800 clams (plus tax, warranty, etc.).
Part of me is saddened by Apple’s latest release. On the surface, the Air gives me a vlasic pickle with it’s Airstream looks and simplicity. However, therein lies the problem. Apple’s betting that because their new product petrifies your stick that you’ll “Just Buy One”…hoping that it’ll “Just Work”. Well, in order for me (again, other than blogging, I’m no journalist) to “Just Work” with an Air with the versatility of my 2 year old Dell, I’d have to spill the following dosh:
Granted, the Air does have a 1.6 C2D and 2gb ram, while my XPS has only a 2.0 Pm and 1 gb ram. However I’ve got a 100gb 7200rpm drive, vs a max 80 5400rpm drive on the Air. I’ve also got s-video out, a mic port, PCMCIA, 4x the usb ports, standard VGA out, a built-in DVD burner, a 14″ screen and a battery that I can replace. Then I added a usb TV tuner and usb GPS module, and Dell’s 3 year support. For $1800. And that was 2 years ago.
I guess where I have a problem with this situation is how as usual, Apple’s acting like they’ve invented a new class of technology through some magical innovation. Well, stripping off an optical drive, 75% of the ports and making the battery non-user replaceable isn’t innovation, it’s just country dumb.
What makes the Air so thin? Apple: “Practically every detail that could be streamlined has been.” Magic John Stone: “Duh…streamlined right-the-fuck off”
So many innovations, so little space. Apple: “The incredible thinness of MacBook Air is the result of numerous size- and weight-shaving innovations. From a slimmer hard drive to strategically hidden I/O ports to a lower-profile battery, everything has been considered and reconsidered with thinness in mind..” Magic John Stone: “Strategically hidden, like gone? Consider that the ports are there because people need them”
Built for the wireless world. Apple: “MacBook Air is designed and engineered to take full advantage of the wireless world” Magic John Stone: “Built for a wireless world that doesn’t include laptops that use either built in 3G cellular or have PCMCIA slots for cellular expansion cards” In describing the Air: Apple: “Thinnovation” Magic John Stone: “An all around ass-rape that you can mail in a standard envelope”
Yeah, the Air is the first laptop that I know of that has an LED-lit screen…but they aren’t the first to show the technology, it’s been out for months already. Sacrificing function for form isn’t new for Apple, their affordable class of pc, the iMac, takes all of your expansion ability away. Last I checked, it didn’t cost more to build expandability into PC components. And wasn’t the whole ‘advantage’ to switching from apple-hardware to pc-hardware many moons ago to invite more expansion and lower costs? Seems like all that did was expand Apple’s profit margin.
So, in closing, fuck you Apple! Keep fucking early adopters with your tiny product cycles, shit pricing schemes and software trickery. I was smitten with the iPhone until I saw what happened to the people that bought gen1 (double memory, cheaper price after 2 months), and then what happened to people that bought the gen1 iPod Touch (must fork over more money for now standard software), and now how you’re dragging your balls on integrating IM, flash, and other features to the iPhone that would make it truly must-have.
Fucking awesome summation of the current state of the hi-def format wars from the perspective of one of histories most bungling, fucked up, tactician. Genius!!
So the King of the Zealots released their new stroke-worthy laptop today, the MacBook Air. A name not only inspired by its wispy dimensions but also by everyone’s sudden push to “BE GREEN!”. I’ll cordially explain what I see are the highlights before I tear the Air a new asshole.
It looks sexy, but that’s nothing new for the these guys. At its girthiest the Air measures .76″ thick, damned skinny, and only 3 lbs. A widescreen frisbee, to be sure. You can outfit it with your choice of 1.6ghz or 1.8ghz core 2 duos, 2gb of ram and an 80gb hdd, or you can pay an assload ($1299) more for a 64gb solid-state drive. There’s no optical drive, 1 usb port, audio out and mini-dvi out. The internal battery allows you 5 hours. The touchpad is multitouch. There it is.
Alright…while thinner is better, the screen portion of this fuck is reportedly .16″ thin, meaning that the most expensive portion of your new Air is extremely susceptible to a simple torque-n-snap. Rendering you with nothing but a brown envelope full of shattered dreams and mac parts. My dell may weigh twice as much as this thing, but i’ve never worried about snapping it in half when I yawn in its general direction.
Ultraportables have never featured optical drives, so if you really wanna wow me, scrape some of the budget from your commercials that annoy even the Zealots and pour that capital into making an optical drive fit in this bugger. It may add 0.2″, but you’d win more points…and be able to charge $400 more for the upgrade! Instead of an included drive, you have to pay $99 for the add-on usb. Need a wired RJ45 port? pay more for that too.
What these un-included options come down to is the fact that when I use my laptop, I use it as a computer system…including all of its parts. If I was a traveling journalist or something, this might entice me…however, as always, unless you absolutely need to have a mac, you can find a comparable windows ultraportable laptop for much less. But if you’re a fashionisto, you’ll need to show everyone that you bent over and bought a Mac.
…and one last thing. Knock it off with the Green bullshit. When I go to toss out junkmail or a plastic bottle or a wad of chewing gum I’ll aim for the trash, but don’t try to entice me to buy a laptop by giving me an “environmental status report“. Stop pandering and give me real fucking reasons why this thing is worth $400 or $500 more than your competitor’s laptop. You want to impress me with your treehugging shit? Make the circuit boards out of cornmeal and power the thing with mummified eel penis. Cover the touchpad with penguin belly and the keys with polished hippo teeth. A petrified newt eye for a power switch, that’s natural, man.
Okay, I lied…one last last thing. Jobby Jobs explained that while this little papercut doesn’t have an optical drive, it’s bundled with software called “Remote Disc” to allow you to ‘borrow’ the optical drive from another Mac or *gasp* a PC that you have networked to it! I could barely get through telling Redscape how “innovative” it was that Apple would tout the ability to share a drive across a network when I read the following on the Apple Store page:
Remote Disc: An innovative feature that allows you to access the DVD or CD drive of a nearby Mac or Windows PC. It’s perfect for installing software and retrieving files.
Holy batshit! They actually implied that sharing a network drive is an innovative Apple feature! Jesus-tapdancing-Christ!
That’s my superficial take. If Apple didn’t market themselves as the greatest company in the universe, I’d prolly be less apt to piss on all of their ‘innovations’…but they do so I piss. Want an honest-to-zealot review? Wait a few weeks until Beardo breaks the bank on some Air.
PS – Redscape reports that while Apple also released some apps for the iPod Touch (the exact same ones that come with the iPhone), they expect you to pay $20 for them, even though you should have gotten them with you Touch in the first place. Can’t wait to see the commercial where the Mac Fag explains to PC McNerd how Apple’s reinvented software pricing with that gem.
It seems that the dreamers at Art. Lebedev Studio have dreamed up another interface on which nerds the earth over would like to wet their whistles. The OLED phenom, Maximis that gouged many a bank account in sheer anticipation of its release is to be followed with a tactile-free edition of a similar wonderment called the Tactus. We can only hope for the same usability and flexibility provided by fellow siblings of the Optimus famil…..wait, that’s right, they’ve not released jack shit, minus the deviously useless Optimus Mini which should only be considered proof-of-concept abortionware.
Sorry to be such a hard-on over this company but, what the fuck? Great. You’re coming out with more innovative concepts. Wonderful. Why don’t you finish the original goddamn product, especially since you’re currently taking orders for, but not shipping a very costly keyboard. I haven’t put any money on the original Maximus, but I can’t only image how pissed these “adopters” are in seeing more credit-candy hit the Lebedev homepage.
I get it. You’re geniuses of modern keyboard design. Gotcha. How about finishing the fucking thing?
Pretty hawt, huh? Just don’t hold your breath for this release. You will surely die, and your kids will have to start biting the bikehorn to feed themselves. Scumbag.
Update! – 01/08/2008
Well thank christ I’m here to post such scathing remarks regarding the slow ass molassass release schedule behind the Optimus Maximus keyboard, because now (as a direct result of my reporting, I can only assume) there is news of a full-functional Maximus at CES 2008.
First off, FUCK MICROSOFT SUPPORT! Ok, with that out of the way I can get down to the nitties underneath the shit-stain that is Microsoft. I’ve been spending a bit of my time lately giving the company another chance after countless disappointments. Well I’ve been reminded that I shouldn’t trust this corporation to make the right decisions and that they need to seriously reconsider their current support outsourcing arrangements.
Pop Quiz:
Q: What’s worse than feeling that you have no control over a situation and that you are at the mercy of some call-center cog who not only doesn’t understand your problem but is unable to discuss a solution outside of what’s on their call script?
A: Having no control over a situation whilst being at the mercy of some call-center cog who not only doesn’t understand your problem but is unable to discuss a solution outside of what’s on their call script.
To the technician I spoke to last night regarding the 30 days I’ve waited for a box to ship my second busted ass console. Oh, and they hadn’t even sent me a single email after having spoken to three different jackoffs, explicitly asked to do so….anyways:
First off “Josh”, your name isn’t fucking “Josh”, ok? Do you honestly think that I’m going to treat you any different when you give me a fake name and try to shove apple pie up my ass? Yes, granted, you may have a doctorate and speak many more tongues than Sulu’s had in his asshole but when you “stick to the script” you sound like a moron.
Secondly,
To the stupid shit who came up with the voice and character for the automated xbox support line:
Eat my shit
Starting every sentence with “hey” in a raspy bullshit fashion makes me want to snap my phone in half.
Summary: Raspy, Gen-Y, Techie, Male, Automated Voice who Uses Contractions: “Hey, I see you’ve already got a xbox service order…” Me: “Fuck you” RGTMAVUC: “I’m sorry, I didn’t catch that, yo-” Me: “FUCK YOU” RGTMAVUC: “Gotcha…” Me: *click*
In closing, if you feel you need a frustrating experience under your belt before you expire via your usual auto-erotic asphyxiation session try XBOX Support.
