So while digging through my laptop I came across this “memo” I wrote on Oct. 1st of 2007. I don’t actually remember writing it and I’m using the word “drunken” in the title because given most of it’s content I assume (or perhaps hope) that I was drunk when I wrote it. I briefly thought about going through and changing certain areas but after reading it over several times I decided I just wanted to peel the lid back and expose to the fresh air. Call it “therapy” if you will.
I should say certain parts I still agree while others I simply do not. I’ll leave it to the reader to decide which is which. The only things I’ve edited are grammar and spelling errors (of which there are still bound to be plenty).
10/1/2007
The deal is this people. No one is thinking enough! The reason we aren’t is because we can’t afford to. We can’t afford it mentally. There too much shit happening in our daily lives to worry about half the bullshit that gets presented to us on a daily basis by the mainstream.So what’s the mainstream? You already know the answer to that question so why ask it? Simple: you need more fucking distractions in your life. It helps you stay focused on the mundane.
Reality check. In case you haven’t caught on (you stragglers) I’m saying people need to be duped to survive. It’s always been the case and always will be. Okay so let me clarify. See, people need a “cause”. The need something to get behind and champion. Makes us all feel like we have a stake in the grand scheme. Without it what do you have? Jack shit! Even these people who walk around calling themselves Nilhist and claiming they believe in nothing is bullshit. HA! WAKE UP! You believe in believing in nothing! Ha. Retarded muthafucka’s! Whatever. It’s all the same.
Dreams are all the same. Want to know the secret to yours? Pay attention! There is no fucking secret! It’s all right there! Again you busy yourself with the mundane because it feeds you. You’re very hungry.
Don’t sweat it. It’s not your fault. I include myself in this too. We’re fucking built like this from day one. You know that shit you hear from people when they say it’s “human nature”, well this is that shit. You’re apart of it, but you already know that.
So what’s my deal? I’m just as fucked up and confused as all of us. I guess I want to talk about it which is why I’m writing this. It’s my own brand of therapy because who the fuck wants to pay a shrink.And what the fuck is intimacy anyway? And fuck thought cohesion. If you subscribe to that bullshit get the fuck off this page. It’s not for you. Shit here isn’t pretty and collected. It’s a fuckin mess! But I know you like it because you’re a mess. I know you are because you’re a human being. You got no fucking choice in the matter.
So the thought came to me what the fuck would I say if I could say anything? Fuck if I know and I know most people don’t. Why the fuck is that? We walk around all day like we’re enlightened and if only someone would give us the floor and an attentive audience we would school muthafucka’s around the globe. But in the end we find we don’t know what the fuck to say! You know why that is? It’s because we punk the fuck out and say what we think people want to hear. We want to…no fuck that, we NEED to please others. So we busy ourselves with trying to figure what we think someone wants to hear, but who knows what the fuck that is, so in the end we say fucking nothing. IT’S BRILLIANT!!
So okay about addiction! I fuckin love it! I swear to god I just want to start fucking whores. I mean I know the shit will cost money but what the fuck? Is intimacy really even needed? Can’t I just fuck and suck and be done with it? Do I need to be intimate?
Women so far have disappointed me. I’ll just say that shit and get it out there. Too fuckin picky and too fuckin naggy. I don’t want to have to baby sit your ass. If you want something fuckin say it! Fuck this whiney bullshit! I ain’t the fuckin one! And why the fuck do we (the men) have to initiate everything? I mean what the fuck? You ever stop to fucking think that the same ways you like feeling about shit I do to? Maybe I’d like it if you picked a fucking place to eat. And FUCK this theory that women need to be told what to do. Assholes invented that shit.
Shit, I lost my train of thought.
But I know I’m fuckin angry and have been for a long time? What the fuck has me upset. I don’t know. I’m looking for a fucking release and the shit is coming out fast and furious. Fuck it. I gotta take a piss then I’m gonna jerk off. The shit feels good and I fuckin like doing it!
