Shouting Grounds

PSA from MJS: Websites that use canned, politically correct clipart images of people sitting in boardrooms happily agreeing that they’re real job is shitty should be fucking torn down. If you want to put an image of people on your company’s website, use images of people that actually FUCKING WORK THERE!

That’s all.

The protests in France were ugly as balls.  CNN has some great footage of the whole thing.  (Hopefully Still Here, Link on the Left)

From the first lighting of the torch all the way through to the end, the entire process looked like crap. 

Even though China doesn’t hold a “flame”, or torch (haha) to the rest of the world as far as human right go (though I am no expert on this), the display of garbage seen below isn’t any better.  Well, I guess it is since the FREE TIBET NOW boneheads probably weren’t shot later.  I mean who REALLY gives two shits about the Olympics?

Pretty, ugly eh?  Kind of like this dude…

Worst situation I’ve heard in a long time.

A big fuck you to Wal-Mart, yall. Ghoulish fuckers

I debated for a few minutes as to whether or not to post this, but why the fuck not since we haven’t had a post in a few days. Need I say more? This is fucking ridiculous. And before you say it…I don’t care if they’re ‘giving people what they want’, CNN is supposed to be a world-class news organization, not a pandering shit hole like MTV. How about you do some investigative reporting into important things and try to get a larger message out there than showing that you have too many people on MySpace. Fuck you!

Chall may have seen in the news the other day that former Rep. Geraldine Ferraro enlightened the country with a terribly original thought…that Barack Obama was only a viable candidate for the Democratic nomination because he’s a black man.

from CNN.com: Ferraro said, “If Obama was a white man, he would not be in this position. And if he was a woman, he would not be in this position. He happens to be very lucky to be who he is. And the country is caught up in the concept.”

My initial thought was to just ignore this stupid bitch since she’s just a money-grubbing lobbyist now who happens to be pushing for Hillary Clinton.  While I support Obama in the coming election, personally it’s not because he’s black.  I know there are more than a few people who are only supporting him because of the color of his skin and not because of the issues…that’s our society.  But I’m pretty sure the other potential Democratic nominee has something similar working for her.  Hello?  How many people do you think are supporting Hillary just because she’s a woman, assface?  Reread what the scag said about Obama, “if he was a woman, he would not be in this position.”  WTF?  Isn’t that what got your candidate in this position?  That and having been married to the last good president?

Like I said, I would have just let her be.  But then today, CNN posts this article where the living nut-sack claims “they’re attacking me because I’m white.”  Holy shit.  So now, Obama’s only a candidate because he’s black, and you’re the enemy because you’re white and you pointed out that he’s not?  Her continued stupidity spawned this article.

Hey sack-face, since you’re all about making generalizations allow me to bring my guns to bear.  I’ll generalize that you are only supporting Hillary because she’s a Democratic candidate…nothing tough there.  How about I generalize that you’re only supporting her because she’s a woman?  Am I a sexist now?  Or would you be a sexist if you called me a sexist?  Depends on who says it first…and loudest, right?  I’ll go one step further and say that you’re supporting Hillary because she’s trying to achieve what you only dreamed of back in your hayday, and failed to partially achieve in ’84 when Mondale chose you as his running mate when you guys got rump-racked by Ronny Ray-gun.  I also see that you failed to get back into congress after that reach.  Let’s go a little deeper…in a debate with then Vice-P George H.W., you leveled this nugget when the question of your experience in politics came up in comparison to H.Dub’s:

There’s not only what is on your paper resume that makes you qualified to run for or to hold office. It’s how you approach problems and what your values are. I think if one is taking a look at my career they’ll see that I level with the people; that I approach problems analytically; that I am able to assess the various facts with reference to a problem, and I can make the hard decisions.

Some big words in there, i.e. qualified, values, level, analytically…  What are you showing about your values by trying to shoehorn your candidate into nomination by saying her opponent is only viable because of the color of his skin?  Try stripping all of the issues, experience, values, history from the candidates and leave them with two things: sex and skin color.  Then run your election and see who gets picked.  Tell you what, at least a third of the country has already done that…guaranteed.  Yet, Obama’s ahead in the votes, and unless it really hits the fan he should secure the nomination for the general election.  My guess is a majority of the people that only see in monochrome and are judging balls v. ovaries are not siding with your candidate, along with the rest of the populous that are able to form a rational thought and choose a candidate to nominate for themselves.

In summation: unless you want to compare stances on issues, just shut the fuck up.  Don’t start some racial shit and then claim that everyone else is racist when they react.  I’ve had enough of politics that are driven by racism, religion and political greed.  Try to pin your fucking mouth so that the population can actually focus on what these candidates stand for instead of what they stand as.

And as always, thanks to wikipedia for the fact-checking.

Last night, NBC (NoBallsCommunications) debuted their 2008 continuation of my favorite tv show when I was but a wee bastard, Knight Rider. Allow me to first recant my feelings for the old show before I delve into dismantling and recycling the new one (Shouting Grounds is an eco-friendly website, chall).

I loved Knight Rider, dude. Michael Knight was the shit, and all I wanted was a black Trans Am with the little red lamp in the hood to tear around the country in, solving crime and shit. When I was little, everything except for immensely non-complicated storylines made sense to me…a super fast talking Firebird that could leap through concrete and defy the laws of physics and common sense at will. What’s not to believe?!

Years later, like three years ago…I finally got my hands on a copy of Season 1 of my beloved childhood show, and I couldn’t wait to relive the good old times. Sadly, after you’ve discovered logic and science, this classic doesn’t hold up quite like it used to. Sure, the car still rocks, Bonnie was still hot and Michael still cool…but the show turned from sharp cheddar to swiss awfully quick. Anyone over the age of 14 knows that “Turbo Boost” doesn’t equal “rampless jump”. However, the nostalgia is still there.

Okay, so last night. Tuned into channel 5 to watch what NBC thought about my new show. I even took real time notes for chall, which I’ll paste below. My expectations were low, since A) NBC has no budget for good computer effects on pilot shows, if you saw Bionic Woman you know what I mean, B) Since they had sunk my T/A and replaced it with the NEW SHELBY FORD MUSTANG GT500 KR NO WAY DOOD!!!, I knew there would be plenty of commercials lauding Ford as the savior of the automobile in America. That being said, I was ready to give it a chance. My notes:

• CGI red lights instead of actual lights in the hoodscoop = GAY…if we could do it in the 80′s why not now?
• Acting terrible, the bad guys are always snarling and scowling…guess the screenwriters are fresh outta fifth grade?
• So this old guy (Graiman) was building KITT by hand, but then he had a heart attack from just being accosted? (Note: explained later on as a double)
• the original KITT didn’t have ANY pontiac branding…this KITT says SVT, Mustang and Ford all over…at least try to suspend disbelief here
• Val Kilmer is KITT? Guess NBC doesn’t have much faith for this show beyond tonight.
• And who wouldn’t have guessed that the codeword was ‘Knight’?
• NBC’s KNIGHT RIDER is brought to you by the star of the show, the FORD MUSTANG…FUCK!
• How many times do we need to see the bullet-dent effect on KITT? Why not just use the ‘molecularly bonded shell’ from old?
• The bullet effect on the glass was lame as balls.
• The mouse-shaped mechanic is gonna work on KITT in the end, right?
• Does the bad-guy nerd have to be so obvious?
• Number of obvious Ford product placements: incalculable
• SOMETHING GOOD: Cliffhanger commercial leadin during first chase
• VW commercial with Lev Andropov during Knight Rider, funny irony
• The shapeshifting body effect would have been cooler if it had just been the paint. The physical shape of the grill, hood and spoiler changed, making it less believable. This opens it up to allow the car to reshape any body panel Terminator style. If you want to do something like that, explain it a little bit so it doesn’t look so out of place.
• Prometheus = Skynet; more than obvious, and I had just switched over from Terminator 2 on AMC when Knight Rider came on
• Christ, they made this show awesome 20 years ago, why is it so fuckin hard to do now?
• 627mi in 3.28 hours = 191.16mph max speed; an @ least believable ‘super pursuit’ speed
• KITT: “That does suck”…does he or does he not understand human behavior? The level of his AI humanity is inconsistant
• The CGI is terrible, obvious and awkward
• How many times do we need to see the Cobra logo? This car is supposed to fight crime, not the American people’s faith in foreign auto manufacturers
• KITT had a mac keyboard in his glovebox…FUCK FUCK FUCK WHY? At what point do you have to activate a terminal windows to interface with KITT?
• Sarah Graiman: “It’s not a thing, it’s a car” Car = Thing, whore!
• 2 commercials in 10 minutes from 8:40 to 8:50, then 9:03, 9:13…this is ridiculous…9:23. Commercials that last 4 minutes, meaning there’s 1.5 minutes of show for every 1 of commercial. That’s fucking terrible. If you don’t have 2 hours of content don’t fill it with double the commercials…another @ 9:33. From 8:30 to 9:30, there was 36 minutes of show and 24 minutes of commercials (rough estimate)…GOD AWFUL!
• Blackriver = Blackwater? LOL, that’s some comedy there. Way to rage against the machine, NoBalls.
• “Somebody removed all the hard drives”, referring to the workstations. NBC can’t help but breed stupidity!!!! STOP CALLING PC’S HARD DRIVES, ASSRAMS!
• Michael’s whore: “KITT’s not another Trans-Am is it?” BITCH!
• KITT: “Are you a homosexual?” LOL
• Bad guys had no idea where to look in the desert between California and Vegas, yet were only 12 miles away when they found out where Charles was. They were more likely to stumble upon the last known home of the Manson family.
• Nerd Bad Guy can hack KITT? Please, an AI system should be immeasurably ahead of a human trying to hack it in speed and adaptability. And if Doogie had the encryption codes, then why did he have to ‘hack the firewalls’? And who the fuck leaves some wireless interface open on this super car death machine so that any obvious-malcontent can h4XX0r th3 f00k1n c4r?
• The part where KITT got Tboned and annihilated the other car was fucking great, even though they showed it in an earlier commercial cut, so you knew it was coming. NBC couldn’t just keep that one for the end.
• The limo scene @ the end would have been the perfect time for Charles to interject the “One man can make a difference” line that Wilton Knight told Michael in the first show. But they assfucked that pooch.
• Who didn’t see it coming that Michael would be at the funeral at the end? Honestly?
• Scratch the “One man…” post above, it was better when Michael said it. Thank christ they made sure he cameo’d…at least that made me happy
• The 4-part commercial series with KITT and Mike was fucking terrible. But don’t think that I didn’t enter to win the sweepstakes, cuz who doesn’t want a GT-500 KR?
• They’ve replaced the good old FLAG semi with a C-130? Make a whee more sense from a logistical/interior space perspective, since the old lab would never have fit in the semi. However, the horrible CG wouldn’t convince anyone that you could fly a Herc 2″ above the ground. NBC’s CGI is pre-Roger Rabbit.

So there you are, my thoughts poured out John Doe-style. In case you can’t read my contempt between the lines, this show was barely watchable. If I hadn’t been obsessed with it when I was a lad, I would have turned it back over to AMC to finish Terminator 2. Even though I expected the Ford bullshit throughout, I wasn’t prepared to have it tattooed onto the back of my eyeballs. Logic would suggest that with so much Fordvertising, NBC should have a pile of cash to put into making the show a little more believable, better acted and have way better computer effects WHEN NEEDED. There were plenty of CG shots that didn’t need to be there, and could easily have been achieved with traditional shots. Instead, this money quite obviously went into the Butt-Grooming fund for the NBC Board of Dick-rectors.

However, I hope that NBC combs the shit out of their asshairs and puts it on tv for an hour a week. With the following changes:

• Spend a week with Ronald Moore and the boys at BSG (a Sci-Fi show, which is owned by NBC…go figure) and talk to them about making your computer effects semi-believable
• Spend more than an hour throwing together your script
• Find some people that have acted successfully in the past to be your bad guys…I’m not talking Sean Connery here, but better than Days of our Lives castoffs
• Can some of the tertiary good guys. Charles Graimen and the FBI broad can hit the road face first. Keep Androginethnic Mouse and the hot daughter to work on KITT
• Figure out a better way to deploy KITT. The FLAG truck, while not-so-believable inside was relatively non-descript in town. A spectre gunship orbiting any town/city/state is going to raise some eyebrows and could endanger Mike’s undercover status
• Either explain better or lose the ‘nanotechnology’ skin on KITT. I’ll buy it if you sell it better, knowwhaddamean?
• Strip some of the over-the-top body features of KITT while in normal cruise mode. The old KITT stood out only because it was a black coupe in mostly hillbilly towns. This KITT stands out because it’s an obviously impossible custom worth easily over $100,000, and that’s without the vacu-formed computer in the backseat. Honestly all it would take is a quick flick of that nanotech armor, right? Shit.

Follow my quick and easy steps, and you might just have a winner. Think about this, the WB is into their fifth season of Smallville I think, and that show is ghastly. NBC would just have to tweak Knight Rider and they might have a success instead of a one-shot novelty.

Bottom line: craft a better fucking show, fuckheads.

Magic John Stone here, with a PSA for all you negatives out there. I’ve long been a big hater of everything, and I’m proud to still be…but personally I’ve been relatively positive over the course of the first 1/12 of 2008…at least…positive about myself. Fuck Apple, still…

I’ve overhauled my lifestyle pretty significantly, from the inside – out, and am also focusing on bettering certain things outside of myself as well. The key for me has been looking at things as a sculptor would a slab of fresh marble. You know that the end result is in that damned chunk of rock, you’re job is to chip away until you find it. This is pretty simple and I can even hear you saying, “Hey, Magic John Stone, this is elementary…anyone that can form a thought knows this.” True enough, but having the wherewithal to apply it toward your everyday problems takes a bit of discipline, which is most easily obtained through motivation. Know you need to lose weight or face life-long obesity/heart problems/diabetes/heckling/need to buy giant pants? That’s some fuckin motivation. Apply that and see your big ass as a ripe hulk of marble that you need to chisel down to a normal goddamned human size. I’ve been a fat, angry bastard my whole life, but since the arrival of 2008, my goal has been to become simply an angry bastard. When I finally have a child, I want to be able to play with the little shit, and not be inclined to eat him. So, as a goal, I’ve committed to running in this year’s Shamrock Shuffle here in the world’s greatest city on March 30th…and goddamnit if it were today I’d certainly have a coronary. So I’ve made comprehensive a plan to chip away at my own self and make this happen. It’s not easy by any stretch…just today I ran for 18 minutes straight on a treadmill, but I will say that only 3 weeks ago I wouldn’t have been able to pull something like that off. It’s that little bit of progress that sustains my motivation.

But the plan is simple enough: realize your goal, logic out the path to it, and then put one fuckin foot in front of the other fuckin foot until you’re standing there ready to put ball to wall. Stop using the fact that you aren’t able to do something right now as an excuse why you’ll never be able to do it. That’s fuckin bullshit. Chart a course and set sail, goddamnit.

The Shouting Grounds is in no way responsible for the utterings of Magic John Stone, take his shit with a grain of salt as he’s usually trying to bash someone or something’s balls in.

So Redscape and I finally made it out to the theater to see a new movie…too bad we picked Cloverfield. Warning to all of our religious fans out there, this review is going be be spoiler packed and, just cuz I know so many of you out there are reading this, I promise I won’t pull any punches.

I thought the premise would be good, from what I’ve read and seen of the movie. A twist on the classic ‘huge monster attacks New York’ movie, the whole thing being shot from a handycam by normal people experiencing the event from the ground. Now, as long as the movie is decent, I love a good creature-disaster movie. The last two that come to mind, King Kong (listen to the podcast!) and Godzilla (with Matthew “used it all up on Ferris Bueller” Broderick), failed miserably…so it’s been awhile coming. I also liked that JJ Abrams hadn’t revealed the monster in any of the trailers yet.

Onto the movie. First issue, movie starts out with date and time stamp on the video, which switches back and forth a few times…not a great idea since soon after, the time stamp goes away completely. I’d rather not have the time stamp there the whole time, but stay consistent, man.

So there’s a going away party, people…blah blah blah. The camera gets handed to possibly the most annoying fuckin clown they could have found. Camera shaking is going to be obvious given the environment, but for christ sake, we can’t enjoy the goddamn movie if we can’t see what’s going on or fucking watch it without fucking puking from fucking motion sickness. Throw in the fact that the asshole is screaming “ROB! ROB! ROB!” the whole time like a goddamn half wit looking for his nanny, and I wanna rip my own throat out after thirty minutes.

About 45 minutes in, I think you get your first glimpse of the monster, mostly arms, tails and ass in views caught by news choppers covering the nonsense. The army shows up conveniently fast in full force complete with Abrams tanks and mobile Howitzers. I don’t know how far from Manhattan the Army keeps a fully stocked depot, but I don’t think they could mobilize what they did in so little time. Anyway, it gets to the point where all you want is the silly-old classic monster movie where you see plenty of Monster vs. Army action.

About the same time you accept that since this is a movie the Army could indeed show up faster than Domino’s Pizza, you start to then wonder why it seems like the monster is following our protagonists around the city. The monster drives them down into the subway, the baby monsters are on their heels underground, when they come out of the subway to find girlfriend’s building the monster clambers down the street at them, they escape to a helicopter which the monster leaps at and crashes into Central Park, and then the damned monster finds them there and finally, most satisfyingly eats shitty-camera-douche…but then ignores the other two!?? There’s how many million people in Manhattan, and this creepy bastard chooses these simple shits to chase around? Goddamnit…too fuckin easy.

While I thought I would enjoy seeing the event from the citizen’s eyes, in the end all I wanted to see was the monster breaking shit and the army blazing in and dropping everything we’ve got on the fucker. It’s sad, but after sitting through this I just wanted to see the goddamn monster…not listen to some shitheel scream at “Rob!” the whole time. To quote the Gene over there, “SHUT THE FUCK UP!“

And one more thing, I know we just got glimpses of things, etc…but I couldn’t help but feel like I’d seen certain things from this movie before…
Go see it, to be sure…but take a barf bag with, and leave any sharp objects that you might try to kill yourself with at home.

OK, let me announce my arrival here on Shouting Grounds.

“Hear-ye, hear-ye, oh cometh o blessed Lord, with the light cast through thy heavenly gates, let us pray unto thee. Therefore the one who bringeth who’s daily bread hast not gone to waste, the shadow of doubt cast upon the dead by the light of the Lord, may this day bring new hope and enchantment to thyself. I bring you, o blessed Lord, Socrates Points!”

Now with that out of the way, what is the exact intention of this blog? I think somewhere about 20 posts ago, the main idea was lost. Are we just blogging about anything, or should be go back to movies? You guys are all over the place with topics!

“Ok, so why do you even care? Change the channel if you don’t like it, there are plenty of people who would buy this thing (myself not included).”

So why are you arguing with me then? By your logic, you should just “change the channel“…right? Wouldn’t that also apply to your bitching about Rods, Frank Luntz, or any of the other shit you’ve complained about on this page? Shouldn’t you have changed the channel instead of jumping on here to launch into a bitch fest? I was writing my assessment of a new piece of hardware. Granted, I knew full well that you’d jump to Apple’s defense…whether you intend to buy this thing or not.

BTW, the reasons you cited against the Sony are total fanboy shit…and I noticed you didn’t mention all the things that that the Sony has that the Air doesn’t and never will (replaceable battery, DVD burner, integrated cellular modem, etc.). If you absolutely have to, you can add a camera for $30, and some of us are perfectly happy NOT using OS X, believe it or not…whether I pay for the software I use or not, it’s still WINDOWS BASED SOFTWARE, numbnuts. I’m relatively certain that if I wanted to, I could get *free* software for a Mac. Nothing you can say about MacOS equals the cost difference that Apple demands for their overpriced yuppie computers…not by a long shot.

This is last I’m going to say about this topic, because it’s clear that even with overwhelming logic and cold-hard facts, you won’t be able to take your Apple-branded glasses off long enough to allow someone else to give their opinion of this bullshit. Instead of feeling free to say what I want about Apple’s ‘innovation’, I’ll just change the fuckin channel.

For some reason I found myself flipping through channels this past Sunday evening and came upon a show that seriously had me shouting at the TV (ok, I can’t find the name of the show, nor what station it was on, and I’ve given up trying). Let me ‘splain…

RODS

wait…did you see it? Obviously the work of the devil, or a ghost, or perhaps an undiscovered animal….wait, there it is again…look closer

Ok, stay with me, RODS….ok?

For those of you fortunate enough not to be suckered into the shit vacuum that is the ROD “debate”, let me first express my unabashed envy. But for those not afflicted here is a recap from our good friends at wikipedia.

If, on the other hand, you are complete fucking moron, proceed to soak up the horseshit from the following site..

I can’t believe the power of clustered fuck nuts. This is exactly the cause of so much bullshit “phenomenon” circulating the Internet. It is so nonsensical that people buy into stories such as this and are completely unwilling to believe completely reasonable explanations in favor of the outlandish and ridiculous.

Let’s review this example in detail.

1. It’s a fucking lie.

phew…that was easy….

Seriously though, they say that because they see these “rod-like” images shooting across their video they are obviously some unknown animal that defies categorization, right? Give me a fucking break. They are reported to travel “faster than can be seen by the naked eye”, but are captured by standard 30fps NTSC video cameras. Are you fucking kidding me? The TV show I suffered through dedicates prime-time television to these “creatures”, making it seem like there is some active debate regarding this phenomenon. In the show, a team of university students take off their helmets long enough to perform wind-tunnel tests on a “rod-like” wing design to see if a creature with this body shape could be efficiently maneuverable in the air… How about looking at the video and using your fucking mind for christ’s sake?! There are no such fucking creatures, you douchebags!! The original “discovery” was by a fucking idiot, and everyone else who has seen one or reportedly held one is a fucking liar or criminally retarded. end of story….or is it?

Fucking stupid ass “science” shows about hauntings or aliens or RODS that waste a half hour of your life. You know going into the show that nothing they will tell you is definitive but they drag the whole narrative through “eye-witness accounts”, “speculations”, and “inconclusive evidence”. You want to know if there are ghosts? Kill yourself and let us know.

Back to the meat of this whole nut:

What the fuck century are we in again?! Does everything that’s even remotely curious have to result in claims of witchcraft or paranormal activity? This is what makes “spiritualists” so fucking useless. Nothing but gullible, simple-ass, bitches.

This is how people who believe in RODS operate:

Remember, people lie for attention, to avoid punishment, and also because they are too fucking goddamn stupid to know the truth to tell you it.

If you’ve ever watched Fox News, though I’m sure you’ve all tried you best to scoot out of the room to fuck a cheese grater instead, then you’ll know who Frank Luntz is and what he does to journalism. In short, he checks it into the glass then fucks it unmercifully under the guise of being scientific and honest.

Recently caught stuffing focus groups here he is constantly seen during this election cycle as a conduit to the opinions of a group of “randomly” selected “undecided” “voters”, though in reality he’s a con-artist. He manipulates questions posed to those polled as to receive the desired result. He claims he’s work is scientific and sound, though injecting biases and partiality into a poll defeats the very purpose of the analysis. Just another cook-the-books, shameless, republican whore. Now, I’m not naive enough to assume that there’s some magical poll that one can create that won’t prove divisive in some shape or form but it’s the intent that makes what Frank does despicable. His intent to only give poll results that meet the needs of (benefit) the company or concern that requests it is why he should be ignored as a credible source of “clean intel”. The fact that Fox props him up to support their out-of-touch and dangerous ideology pisses me the fuck off. The guy is a slave, selling out all of us for scraps from the table.

A funny (and short video) talking about Frank narrated by the lovable Penn Gillette describes further:

First off, FUCK MICROSOFT SUPPORT! Ok, with that out of the way I can get down to the nitties underneath the shit-stain that is Microsoft. I’ve been spending a bit of my time lately giving the company another chance after countless disappointments. Well I’ve been reminded that I shouldn’t trust this corporation to make the right decisions and that they need to seriously reconsider their current support outsourcing arrangements.

Pop Quiz:

Q: What’s worse than feeling that you have no control over a situation and that you are at the mercy of some call-center cog who not only doesn’t understand your problem but is unable to discuss a solution outside of what’s on their call script?

A: Having no control over a situation whilst being at the mercy of some call-center cog who not only doesn’t understand your problem but is unable to discuss a solution outside of what’s on their call script.

To the technician I spoke to last night regarding the 30 days I’ve waited for a box to ship my second busted ass console. Oh, and they hadn’t even sent me a single email after having spoken to three different jackoffs, explicitly asked to do so….anyways:

First off “Josh”, your name isn’t fucking “Josh”, ok? Do you honestly think that I’m going to treat you any different when you give me a fake name and try to shove apple pie up my ass? Yes, granted, you may have a doctorate and speak many more tongues than Sulu’s had in his asshole but when you “stick to the script” you sound like a moron.

Secondly,

To the stupid shit who came up with the voice and character for the automated xbox support line:

Eat my shit

Starting every sentence with “hey” in a raspy bullshit fashion makes me want to snap my phone in half.

Summary:
Raspy, Gen-Y, Techie, Male, Automated Voice who Uses Contractions: “Hey, I see you’ve already got a xbox service order…”
Me: “Fuck you”
RGTMAVUC: “I’m sorry, I didn’t catch that, yo-”
Me: “FUCK YOU”
RGTMAVUC: “Gotcha…”
Me: *click*

In closing, if you feel you need a frustrating experience under your belt before you expire via your usual auto-erotic asphyxiation session try XBOX Support.

It seems that the whoretrain is picking up ludicrous speed as 2007 gradients into 2008! While this story was hilarious, it was mildly pedestrian until this lemon twist…read about it at the Kiwi Stuff.

Suddenly I can’t get enough of this shit. Screw the president, congress, and the bible-thumpers…I want to see the ‘under cover’ snaps and hear crackly voicemails of a Nickelodeon Executive Prodder taking the lesser Spears in hand…kneading the dough and rapidly bunning the oven…a microwave oven in her case.

Even more interesting, the Abernazi & Fitch poster-boy that the Spears Pub’s initially fingered found a ruined life in his stocking! Seasons greetings, asshole!

How can it get any better than this?!

Who am I kidding? Shit like this is why I hate.

By now, you’ve all heard about the astronaut who’s stuck in space after his mother was struck by a train. Redscape and I had just weeks ago talked about NASA’s policy of allowing astronauts to choose whether or not they are informed about bad news on terra-not-so-firma while they’re in orbit. Obviously this bloke chose to find out about these things, and why not? I’m sure that while talking to someone else, they’d let it slip at one point…might as well get it over with.

Now two things, and I’ll get to my favorite second. This guy Daniel Tani, 46, is a United States Astronaut. Trained not only to physically endure the rigors of spaceflight and extended periods in the vacuum, but to survive the mental beating of being in space, isolated from family, other people, pissing in a space diaper, and idle contemplation about the physics involved should he decide he wants sex bad enough to force his whip on a similarly trapped cosmonaut. So stories on CNN that attempt to invoke some kind of sympathy for the guy who’s “Trapped in Space!” while his mother’s going underground aren’t hitting their mark. Now, granted, I’m a true cynic…and hate is my game, but come the fuck on. The guy had to have geared a large portion of his life toward going into space for extended periods of time, and is doing something that many people would either kill or pay millions of dollars to do. Plus, he didn’t go up when his mom was 45 and healthy…she died at 90! Shouldn’t have been a surprise, right? I’ll move on.

Now for my favorite bit. This dear old granny didn’t die of natural causes. She didn’t choke on a bingo coin, fall on a knitting needle, slip in the tub, suffocate on powdered sugar, strangle herself with a doilie, or roll down many steps. No.

Police said Rose Tani stopped behind a school bus at a railroad crossing and then drove around the vehicle, bypassing the lowered crossing gate. The train struck Tani’s vehicle on the passenger side and pushed it down the tracks before stopping.

So she broke the law in passing a stopped school bus…and then broke a law by trying to drive through a train crossing gate that had been lowered. Okay…so she was 90. Maybe she forgot 74 years of driving experience at that moment. And maybe she wasn’t in control of her facilities…but instead of ramming the rear of the bus at high speed, she was in control enough to steer around the bus, with clear intent to get through the train crossing before the train.

It’s sad that the guy’s mum is dead…but don’t ask for my sympathy that he’s STUCK in space, and don’t goddamn ask me to be sorry that someone died pulling such a stupid stunt.

I defer to Darwin.