Jesus. Who gives a shit at this point? Even if you like the franchise you HAVE to be getting tired of a new game/controller coming out every couple of months. This isn’t like a Madden or a 2K sports series here. To me, it’s the equivalent of 3-4 versions of DDR coming out within 2 years and each one would offer up another version of the dance pad, then you end up with goddamn different dance pads all over the joint. Cool it with the fucking hardware.

I also understand that Guitar Hero IV will have a drum controller, again blurring the line between Guitar Hero and Rock Band. I think anyone who bought into the Rock Band package will be pissed to see another, more superior, fake-ass drum set available after shelling out 160 bucks for the original bundle.

In the end all this will do is add another useless husk to a boneyard of music-themed videogame accessories. Sort of like having a collection of U-Forces. Harmonix has a killer sales model with an initial controller then a library of micro-transactions for additional songs. I’m not sure that releasing controller after controller will continue to be effective.

Prologue: My Hate for Sony

It was March 24th 2005. PSP launch day. Initially, when the PSP had been announced I was fairly excited. Finally, it seemed, a company was bringing to market a handheld media/gaming device that was geared toward the more mature, adult, crowd. It was going to have built in Wi-Fi, which meant internet access, and a high resolution widescreen display for both gaming and video playback. It also helped that it looked fuckin’ sweet!

As time went on and more was revealed I found myself becoming more and more hopeful about the device. For some time I had been wanting a device small enough to fit in my pocket
but versatile enough to allow me to watch movies, play games, surf the net, e-mail, IM, blah, blah, blah. Basically the Holy Grail of personal media and communication devices. Over time, in my head, I began building up the PSP into this device.

The good news was I was able to catch myself doing this before it actually came out and as a result I was able to apply some reason and talk myself down to a point where I decided against purchasing it on initial release. The bad news was both MJS and JT decided to buy one at launch, and the temptation to take advantage of the Wi-Fi network play between devices became too much to overcome. Hence I found myself in line at Best Buy on launch day and presently thereafter the owner of a shiny new PSP.

To say I was disappointed would be putting it mildly. Of the games shipped at launch 95% where bullshit and the other 5% just couldn’t fill the gap. But what really pissed me off were the overpriced UMD movies, lack of web browser, difficulty in video playback, and Sony’s total lack of any kind of online infrastructure.

As time went on and things didn’t improve I grew more and more bitter. Finally they released the web browser and anyone who used it, instantly knew how big of a piece of shit it was. For me it was the final straw and I ended up selling the unit to a co-worker in disgust, cursing Sony and vowing to never fall into their vaporware trap again.

Fast-forward to the launch of the PS3. With the difficulties it suffered (news of developers not really liking it, disappointing initial sales, only one or two good games available at launch, and the reversal of the EMOTION engine in the 40GB version) it was easy for me to build it into the PSP all over again in my mind. I instantly saw it as more bullshit from Sony that could have been a good product but instead will get short-changed and mismanaged into hell.

Despite all this the PS3 did have one major, and possibly redeeming, factor however. It had a Blu-Ray player! Now this was before Sony had won the HD format war and HD-DVD was still a viable alternative so it wasn’t a 100% lock for the PS3 but in my mind it was the most compelling reason the console had at that point to buy it. Alas, however, I was stubborn as ever and vowed I wouldn’t buy one solely on the grounds it was a Sony product.

The format war ended (rather abruptly) and literally overnight HD-DVD was dead and Blu-Ray stood victorious on the field of battle. The die was cast and the decision on what type of HD player we’d all be buying had been made for us.

A short time later JT posted an article on this very site asking the following question; Now that the format war was over does it, in fact, make sense to buy a PS3 given that not only can it be used a Blu-Ray player but also play next-gen level games? My response was immediate: Don’t buy it! We sparred some and MJS stepped into the ring pointing out the simple logic in JT’s argument that if one was going to buy a Blu-Ray player a PS3 would make the most sense since its price was in line with stand-alone players and it had the added advantage of being a gaming console. But again I was stubborn and wouldn’t relent! It was a Sony product so it was the devil!!

So I began looking into Blu-Ray players and found that the majority of reviews did in fact confirm the PS3 was the best player currently on the market. No really a surprising bit of news I suppose since it is a Sony device after all. I found myself giving it more and more thought and before long I started questioning my real motives for hating it. Of course I knew it all came down to the sour taste the PSP had left in my mouth. I knew I was being unreasonable and operating off emotion more than anything.

So finally one night I just made the choice. I knew I was going to get a Blu-Ray player sooner or later. I had the HD television already and the Comcast HD service had, by now, spoiled me on the quality. So I was at a crossroads: I could either keep my unreasonable dislike toward Sony, buy a stand-alone player for the same price as the PS3 (screwing myself out of the value it offered), or I could drop the bullshit “hate act” and make my choice based on reason. So I got the PS3. Yes it made me nervous and yeah I feel like I’m going out on a limb but I’m hoping in the end I can find some happiness with the device and maybe even put some of my ill-will towards Sony to rest.

Part I: Un-boxing

I got home, picked up the package from the apt. office, got it inside and opened it up. Everything that I ordered is there, thank God! Good job Newegg! My order consisted of the 40GB PS3 unit, 6ft. HDMI cable, and the Sony Bluetooth Blu-Ray remote, all of which I unpacked carefully. Call of Duty 4 had already shown up a day earlier and on the way home I had stopped at the local Best Buy and picked up 300 and Burnout Paradise.

Upon opening the console box I was presently surprised to find I had gotten the Spiderman 3 version. I suppose it’s no biggie really but when I ordered it online it didn’t say anything about the movie coming with it so it was a nice bonus since I wasn’t expecting it.

Upon unpacking the cables I must say I was fairly disappointed to find only a composite video cable included. I was already aware that I would have to provide my own HDMI cable but for the $399 cost of the unit you would think Sony could, at the very least, include a component cable.

The actual unit itself is fairly large, heavy, and sports a glossy black finish that begs to be covered with dust and fingerprints. The form factor of the box doesn’t really lend itself to fitting into a home entertainment setup but for my needs it integrates itself into my simple TV stand just fine.

Part II: Hardware Setup

In terms of actual hardware setup the cable connections were easy to make, though I couldn’t help but think a longer USB cable for the controller would have been nice. The touch sensitive power button is slightly strange to use but works fairly well. All in all I was able to get the unit hooked up and turned on in less than 5 minutes.

I’ll also mention that during no time while I was performing the actions in this review did the console ever reach a heat level I was uncomfortable with. It seems pretty well ventilated and I checked it frequently while playing games and movies. Yes, it heats up, but as I said it feels like the right amount of heat given the components in the console.

Part III: Online Setup and First Experience

First things first, get the controller connected and working. Even though the controller is wireless you have to use the USB cable to get things going initially. This involved nothing more than pressing the “PS” button on the controller and in a matter of seconds I was good to go.

After viewing the initial start-up screen the system began the auto detection of the HDMI input followed by the internet connection settings and I’m pleased to say both these stages completed without a hitch. A few brief seconds later I was asked to create a user profile and this is where I ran into my first annoyance, in the form of Sony’s decision to use the same telephone style keypad from the PSP for text entry. Yes, it’s functional, and for the PSP it’s fine, but c’mon guys this is a $400 dollar “complete home entertainment system” as you tout it. You can take the time to come up with a full-size onscreen keyboard.

A few steps later and the XMB dashboard loads smoothly while playing a nice clip of soothing classical music. XMB looks nice and runs smooth! There’s a SHITLOAD of options available. It’s going to take some time to go through them all so I decided to press on with other things.

I decided to load a custom background for XMB. To this end I copied a few images from my PC into a USB flash drive and plugged it into the PS3. While the flash drive itself blinked with activity, there was no action on the PS3 to indicate it had detected the drive. Finally I decided to navigate to the Photo section and was relieved to find the flash drive listed there. Still it would be nice if upon connecting a drive the system could give some indication of detection and perhaps prompt to display the contents of the device. Upon accessing the drive I discovered another little quirk when the system performed an “auto-scan” yet failed to find any pictures. To first get around this I moved the images out of the directory they were in to the root of the drive. Despite this change a second scan still came up empty. The final solution was to access the advanced options for the drive and choose the “view all” option which finally got the contents of the drive to load. After that it correctly picked up the images and I was able to view them and use the options to set the one I wanted as the XMB background pretty easily.

On a whim I decided to pop in a CD-R disc that contained some MPEG-4 encoded video clips. I was pleased to find that in this case I simply had to access the disc and it immediately displayed the clips. I was able to playback each one easily and they looked pretty good. I tried a few other clips that were encoded in MPEG-2 and was pleased to find the system played them fine. I’ll have to test more codec’s in the future (Divx) but my initial reaction thus far is thumbs up.

I decided to get some online action going next. First, things first, had to perform a software update. The update was largely automated once I chose it from the XMB menu and took about 5 minutes to download on my cable broadband connection. Another 5 minutes for the system to install it and I was good to go. Creating an online profile was pretty smooth and I was able to breathe a slight sigh of relief as here a full-size onscreen keyboard it used. This makes the frequent text entry go MUCH faster. The biggest gripe I had with the online sign-up option was the lack of graphic avatars to choose from. There’s a total of 22 pages with something like 8 avatars per page, which sounds like a good amount but most of them are fruity, bubbly things that won’t appeal to you unless you’re either a.) a 15yr. old girl or b.) a Japanese male. In the end I wound up choosing an 8 ball. Meh. All-in-all the online sign-up process took around 7-8 minutes.

After signing up I was unceremoniously dumped back to the XMB menu. It wasn’t really clear what had changed, if anything, now that I logged online. Some sort of dialogue box giving a brief run down of online options would have been nice here.

Presently I made my way to the Playstation online store. I had read previously that the entire store was getting an overhaul soon and it’s apparent from the moment the main screen loads it’s MUCH needed. The store is basically a quick and dirty adaptation of the Playstation website and as such doesn’t really suit itself to navigation using the PS3 gaming controller. The main problem is the navigation, specifically the annoying fact that the standard buttons you use to navigate XMB, and thus become familiar with, work with unintended results inside the store. For example normally the “O” button would take you back a step when navigating XMB. However pressing “O” while inside the store prompts you to exit the store entirely instead of taking you back a page as you might expect. Bleh!

My first download was the GTA IV trailer. When choosing a video to download it’s nice that it shows you how much free space you have on your hard drive, but it doesn’t show you the actual size of the video itself until AFTER the download starts! It would be nice if it showed that info before the download begins! Another gripe is the fact the trailer was only available in 720p. Maybe I’m nitpicking but one of the big draws of the PS3 is its ability to do 1080p. In my opinion all downloadable video content should be available in this format.
After the download was completed I found myself once again confused and disappointed as I wasn’t presented with any option to play the video! In fact, I had to exit the entire store and navigate to the video section in XMB to find the video. Another small inconvenience, yes, but an inconvenience nevertheless. The video itself ran smoothly and looked good. Can’t wait for the game! It looks like a shitload of fun!

I briefly poked around the options for the video itself and discovered it allows you to add some meta-data to the file in order to group it into an album. Probably an option I personally won’t use much but it’s a nice thing to have for those that may have lots of files.
Back in the online store I decided to check out the free wallpapers and was disappointed to find only 3 pages of content, all of which, had to do with games. Bah! Good thing you can make your own wallpaper! The video trailer section is equally shallow (3 pages) and doesn’t even have the latest trailers. Its possible what’s here are trailers for only Sony movies, which wouldn’t surprise me. On the plus side the trailers do offer a choice between 720 and 1080 video resolutions. There is also a section for Blu-Ray movie trailers (trailers of movies already on Blu-Ray disc) but in all honesty I have NO desire to watch any these videos.

Rounding out the store is the Game Demo section which from my brief foray into it looking promising. As I was anxious to move on to other things, I didn’t hang around here long and download any demos, but once I do I’ll post an update with my thoughts.

Part IV: Games

I purchased Call of Duty 4 to go with the console and later, once it arrived, picked up Burnout Paradise. One of the things I noticed about the games was not all of them support 1080p. On the back of the each game case you can find a list of what resolutions are supported. For CoD 4 both 720p and 1080p are listed with Burnout only supporting 720p.

I decided to try CoD first and after sliding in the disc I was presented with a message informing me the game had to be updated! Bah! The good news is the update only took about a minute to download and install so I wasn’t that bad. After the update the game loaded and here were I began to scratch my head. As I mentioned earlier the game says it supports 1080p on the box and the Activision and copyright screens are, in fact, displayed in 1080p. However when the opening cut scenes and game menu load they are only at 720p. Firing up the actual game itself also shows it’s only running at 720p. There’s no option in the game menu pertaining to resolution so I’m a bit confused as to exactly what’s going on. Not really wanting to spend the time to figure it out just then I decided to put the issue aside and simply get some game play in.

The game itself looks beautiful and runs very well! Without going into excessive detail concerning the actual game content (I hope to do a full CoD 4 review in the near future) I will say the game is pretty KICK ASS! I’ve only played the first 5 or 6 missions but already it’s been the most engaging game play I’ve enjoyed since the Half-Life franchise and on some levels surpasses it! Anyone who’s a fan of FPS games and hasn’t played this game is really missing out! It’s available for PC, Xbox 360 and PS3 so pick it up if you haven’t already!

Next I popped in Burnout which loaded right up without requiring any sort of update. As I stated above Burnout runs at 720p and looks really good! Even though this version doesn’t have the “Crash Breaker” mode, found in previous games of the franchise, the city is now completely open ended (similar to Need for Speed: Most Wanted) and very big! The makers of the game have preserved all the fun and high speed action in the actual races and the graphics look better than ever!

So other than the quandary with the display resolutions (which hopefully I can figure out) I was overall pleased with the look and feel of the games.

Part V: Blu-Ray Movies

As I mentioned earlier the console came with Spiderman 3 and I picked up 300 separately once everything arrived. I also ordered the Sony Bluetooth Remote to hopefully help ease playback operations.

I decided to try out 300 first and after sliding in the disc it only took a few seconds to load up and begin playing. I have to say I wasn’t particularly blown away with the video quality and in some spots I could actually see some graininess. Don’t get me wrong it looked HD quality but I suppose I was expecting a somewhat better look from a movie like 300 in full HD. Despite this I ended up watching half the film and still enjoyed it. For comparison I tried Spiderman 3 next which, indeed, looked better than 300 and much closer to what I expect from a Blu-Ray movie.

For its part, the Bluetooth remote works very well and is pretty snappy in terms of response time. The setup of the remote was also pretty easy with the only step involving registering it with the console. This is accomplished via a wizard in the XMB options that makes connecting and managing Bluetooth devices a breeze.

Overall so far Blu-Ray to me seems like just another format. Granted it looks much better but I think I’ll need to watch some more movies and explore some disc features before I begin to really appreciate it. The good news is, though, I’ll now be able to provide reviews of Blu-Ray movies!

Part VI: Conclusion

Keeping in mind these are only my initial impressions of the console I will say, so far, I’m fairly pleased with it. While there’s some software quirks and functionality I’d like to see worked out and improved and the online store needs a MAJOR overhaul (which as I mentioned will be happening soon) and I still have a concern over whether or not it’s worth the price I paid I’m going to try and remain hopeful (if slightly cautious) for the PS3’s future.

I plan on providing more updates and insights as time goes on and I use the system more and learn it’s “in’s and out’s”. Stay tuned!

That’s right kiddies Monty Oum (creator of Haliod) is at it again this time with the follow up sequel to Dead Fantasy, pitting the super sassy woman of Dead or Alive against those of Final Fantasy. If you though episode I was full of action wait until you see the shit that happens this time around. Oum throws in everything but the kitchen sink. My favorite bit is the Drunken Boxing from Tifa on the FF squad. All in all tho another very satisfying vid from Mr. Oum.

Oh yeah P.S. – Apparently there are 5 more vids to come in this series. Can’t fuckin wait. Also if you haven’t already seen it, check out part 1 here.

I thought that I would contribute to the historical record and shoot some fat, dead fish in a barrel with a new project. I always find it amusing to reminisce over the fuck-ups of the past, especially technology fuck ups.

I was browsing some of the now defunct video game systems on Wikipedia when I ran across a flop from the mid-nineties that I used to talk about and lust after when I was a kid. The 3DO looked promising on paper, until you read the price.

Looking at things now, jesus, what a piece of over-promised shit! And if that wasn’t enough, 3DO attempted to release another system, with even more hype than the first. This is a tech demo from a trade show, featuring the possible “next-gen” 3DO that never was released. It features a “Shooter” theme but it doesn’t represent a game, nor a realtime performance of the actual 3DO “M2″ hardware, but a fat, nutty wad of pre-rendered dogshit.

This is an other “tech demo” from the same show.

Who knows if it was running realtime or not. I guess they did need to back up their visuals with actual horsepower to sell their software back in the day like they do now. (snark)

All I remember being released for the original 3DO was demolition man, and though it looked sort of good (visually) compared to what was offered from Nintendo and Sega at the time, why the fuck would anyone pay for it? For $700 bucks at launch time they really could have served themselves better by putting a bullet in their heads. Instead, they suffer through a prolonged massacre at the hands of their competition, then decide to regroup for another ass fucking with the “M2″. By comparison, for expensive as the Neo Geo was, at least it had great games. It seems so clear now how fucked these guys were out of the gate. It’s a pity they got so far.

Next up on the chopping block….the Philips CD-I

Cruising my daily bookmarks, I snapped up this article from Bit-Tech.net. First reactions included “I’ve never heard of Battlefield Heroes!” and “who the hell makes a game with only 2 maps?” Then I see this paragraph:

Though the game, which is being developed by DICE, is still being planned as an utterly free-to-play game which will generate profit through micro-transactions the developers still aren’t trying to create a huge selection of playing fields.

“EGAD…MORE EA BULLSHIT!!!” the little Irish Devil in my head screamed. Apparently they’re intent on finding new and interesting ways to wring the awesomeness out of one of my favorite franchises. “AND JUST LOOK AT HOW COMPLETELY THEY’VE RIPPED OFF TF2!” he continued. Needless to say, my head was spinning…and yet I googled myself over to EA’s official BF Heroes page to either A) find more reasons to hate this game or B) find out what the fuck, if anything, I could like about a supposedly free game.

The first page of the site says all the right things…but as with any page that has an EA logo at the bottom, you can usually just wipe your ass with it. “a fun cartoon-style shooter”…blah blah blah…”It will be released for the PC as a free download”…blah blah fuckin blah. However I still can’t shake the feeling that this might turn out to be something awesome. Onto the video page for some motion-based proof!

Holy shit! Yeah it’s an EA game, yeah it’s only got two maps, yeah I’m sure they’re gonna make you pay through the nose via micro-transactions for weapons, vehicles, maps, etc…but goddamn the video makes it look fun as shit. I want Socrates to sit on the wing of a P51 while I dive bomb some mother fuckers!

No doubt my heart will be not only ripped from my chest, but shat on, microwaved and fed to a Republican. But for the day I’m giddy about playing this game…and I think you should be too. But then again…

Video

In the early days of the Shouting Grounds, you may all recall JT and myself getting into a heated verbal dispute about console vs. pc gaming, specifically how I feel that PC gamers get the barb-studded shaft when it comes to sequels coming out exclusively for consoles when those games cut their teeth on the pc. Grand Theft Auto is my biggest let down…since I can vividly recall the first time I saw Dang playing GTA on his pc back in the day. Soon after GTA2 debuted on pc, it was ported to the PS2 and everything started to go pear-shaped. The third-person versions of GTA all debuted on consoles first, leaving loyal pc gamers to dangle. And now with the latest iteration of GTA, I still haven’t seen any indication that it will come to pc. But I digress…

This article is solely meant to point out the injustice that Battlefield has become. Again, I can very easily recall the first time I saw JT playing Battlefield: 1942 on his pc at a LAN at Redscape’s old apartment. We quickly became enamored by not only 1942, but the Desert Combat mod and played the holy hell out of it for many years. Battlefield: 1942 was only available for the pc, if I remember correctly. Battlefield: Vietnam was next, not as great but fun for as a break from DC for a little while…still pc only. Then in 2005, Battlefield 2 debuted across consoles and pc. Not well received by our gang…as it was built completely for online play with little LAN or single-player customization. Since then, EA’s changed the game via updates to allow it to be more like BF/DC, but at this point we’re slightly poisoned to it.

So now it’s 2008, and this summer Battlefield: Bad Company will be released. While it looks simply like an update to BF2, it does have completely deformable environments, which is sure to make battle all the more awesome. However…Bad Company is only going to be available for 360 and PS3. Once again, the PC is getting the bend-over-and-say-hail-mary. At this point, what difference does it make…right? Why the fuck should I care, since the game will probably blow in some major capacity.

Well now the ‘new faithful’, namely the consolers who are supposed to eat this bowl of puke that EA’s gonna charge $50-60 for, are getting their asses buttered and stuffed as well. EA has announced that Bad Company will ‘feature’ downloadable content (nothing new for console games) in the form of weapons n such. Again, BF2 featured ‘unlockable’ weapons once your character progressed in stature. The difference now is you have to FUCKING PAY FOR WEAPONS THAT SHOULD BE INCLUDED IN THE EXORBITANT PRICE OF THE GAME IN THE FIRST PLACE! If I remember correctly, you’ll start with somewhere around 5-10 weapons, and beyond that you’ll have to fork over real-world money to get new ones. And you can be sure that there are plenty of silver-spooners that will simply buyout the weapons cache with daddy’s platinum, and proceed to annihilate the gamers that can’t afford to pay for more than just the game in a box.

What a complete ass-fuck. I can only hope that if you’ve read this far that your logic is solid enough to hate this shit as much as I do…if not then Knock-Knock-go-fuck-yourselves.

Bonus: Saw this video offa Digg this morning…inspired this article.

I’ve finally decided to beat Mass Effect. “Decide?”, you may ask. Yes, decide. I almost didn’t want to complete the game because I wanted to see and do everything the game offered. I was truly, and am still quite addicted to this game universe. Bioware as done such an exemplary job at story telling, character development, and visual creation you really want the story to continue well after the main objectives have been met.

Story

Since the game will be coming to PC, eventually, I don’t want to spoil the story for anyone, but I will confirm that it is worth waiting and playing for. Everything you do in game, from talking to people, killing them, or helping them affects the story and the world around you. And Yes, there is some alien pussy to shoot for as well.

Control

On top of a great story and convincing universe there’s also the gameplay, which successfully merges a number of game styles very well. For the FPS (or in this case TPS) fan there’s guns, grenades, and a crosshair. For the strategy fans there’s a time-freezing abilities selection screen and group tactics. For the RPG fan, you can kill, loot, skill, and level your customizable character. As you play through the game the controls begin to make a frightening amount of sense. Your decision making skills will really get a boost after a couple of hectic fire-fights. Yes, you are controlling, at times, 3 characters, about 16 abilities, 4 weapons per character, and worrying about health as well as shields, but Bioware made the steps between actions as short as possible. It starts to be second nature, moving your team into position, switching their weapons out if they get overheated, or using their abilities to free up time so you can deliver the fatal blow. Top notch.

Sound and Music

The music and the action are enveloping. I played through the ending twice and each time the stirring themes and great acting gave me goosebumps. As stupid as it sounds you actually feel a sense of real accomplishment at the end. I don’t think I really felt that before in a game…maybe shenmue.

Visuals

Jaw dropping. Though at times there may have been a framerate hiccup, most of the experience was smooth and seamless. They added a film grain and motion blur effect to the environment that really blurs the line between game and live action movie. Of course, when you’ve landed on your 100th planet or so, you’ll start to see some repetition or at least similarities in the terrain and colorscale, but you’re usually too busy on a mission or looking for mineral deposits to survey. (yes, there’s mining!).

Overal Score:

9.8

From time to time I’ve heard various rumblings about Star Wars: The Force Unleashed. Recently, however, Vanity Fair has published an very informative Article detailing many more specifics regarding the game.

I have to admit reading the article got me excited about the game and I can honestly say if this game turns out as good as they say, it will be the sole reason behind me purchasing an XBOX 360.

In any event check out the article as well as the trailer in the links I posted above.

Also, apparently they forwent using James Earl Jones as the voice of Vader in the game an instead went with some bloke named Matt Sloan who made a YouTube video called Chad Vader: Day Shift Manager. The video, in itself, is fairly lame but I will say this guy has Vader’s voice and inflections down pretty fucking good. It’s not as good as the real deal, but I’ve heard worse.

Anyway, enjoy today’s daily geek fix.

First off, FUCK MICROSOFT SUPPORT! Ok, with that out of the way I can get down to the nitties underneath the shit-stain that is Microsoft. I’ve been spending a bit of my time lately giving the company another chance after countless disappointments. Well I’ve been reminded that I shouldn’t trust this corporation to make the right decisions and that they need to seriously reconsider their current support outsourcing arrangements.

Pop Quiz:

Q: What’s worse than feeling that you have no control over a situation and that you are at the mercy of some call-center cog who not only doesn’t understand your problem but is unable to discuss a solution outside of what’s on their call script?

A: Having no control over a situation whilst being at the mercy of some call-center cog who not only doesn’t understand your problem but is unable to discuss a solution outside of what’s on their call script.

To the technician I spoke to last night regarding the 30 days I’ve waited for a box to ship my second busted ass console. Oh, and they hadn’t even sent me a single email after having spoken to three different jackoffs, explicitly asked to do so….anyways:

First off “Josh”, your name isn’t fucking “Josh”, ok? Do you honestly think that I’m going to treat you any different when you give me a fake name and try to shove apple pie up my ass? Yes, granted, you may have a doctorate and speak many more tongues than Sulu’s had in his asshole but when you “stick to the script” you sound like a moron.

Secondly,

To the stupid shit who came up with the voice and character for the automated xbox support line:

Eat my shit

Starting every sentence with “hey” in a raspy bullshit fashion makes me want to snap my phone in half.

Summary:
Raspy, Gen-Y, Techie, Male, Automated Voice who Uses Contractions: “Hey, I see you’ve already got a xbox service order…”
Me: “Fuck you”
RGTMAVUC: “I’m sorry, I didn’t catch that, yo-”
Me: “FUCK YOU”
RGTMAVUC: “Gotcha…”
Me: *click*

In closing, if you feel you need a frustrating experience under your belt before you expire via your usual auto-erotic asphyxiation session try XBOX Support.