Shouting Grounds

Great argument, Beardo. Brought to mind this little gem I stumbled upon the other day:

We could start a cult of cock-pouncers that believe the rooskies have invented a HIND that can fly without spinning its main rotors!

Or we can just apply a dash of science and call it a day.

For some reason I found myself flipping through channels this past Sunday evening and came upon a show that seriously had me shouting at the TV (ok, I can’t find the name of the show, nor what station it was on, and I’ve given up trying). Let me ‘splain…

RODS

wait…did you see it? Obviously the work of the devil, or a ghost, or perhaps an undiscovered animal….wait, there it is again…look closer

Ok, stay with me, RODS….ok?

For those of you fortunate enough not to be suckered into the shit vacuum that is the ROD “debate”, let me first express my unabashed envy. But for those not afflicted here is a recap from our good friends at wikipedia.

If, on the other hand, you are complete fucking moron, proceed to soak up the horseshit from the following site..

I can’t believe the power of clustered fuck nuts. This is exactly the cause of so much bullshit “phenomenon” circulating the Internet. It is so nonsensical that people buy into stories such as this and are completely unwilling to believe completely reasonable explanations in favor of the outlandish and ridiculous.

Let’s review this example in detail.

1. It’s a fucking lie.

phew…that was easy….

Seriously though, they say that because they see these “rod-like” images shooting across their video they are obviously some unknown animal that defies categorization, right? Give me a fucking break. They are reported to travel “faster than can be seen by the naked eye”, but are captured by standard 30fps NTSC video cameras. Are you fucking kidding me? The TV show I suffered through dedicates prime-time television to these “creatures”, making it seem like there is some active debate regarding this phenomenon. In the show, a team of university students take off their helmets long enough to perform wind-tunnel tests on a “rod-like” wing design to see if a creature with this body shape could be efficiently maneuverable in the air… How about looking at the video and using your fucking mind for christ’s sake?! There are no such fucking creatures, you douchebags!! The original “discovery” was by a fucking idiot, and everyone else who has seen one or reportedly held one is a fucking liar or criminally retarded. end of story….or is it?

Fucking stupid ass “science” shows about hauntings or aliens or RODS that waste a half hour of your life. You know going into the show that nothing they will tell you is definitive but they drag the whole narrative through “eye-witness accounts”, “speculations”, and “inconclusive evidence”. You want to know if there are ghosts? Kill yourself and let us know.

Back to the meat of this whole nut:

What the fuck century are we in again?! Does everything that’s even remotely curious have to result in claims of witchcraft or paranormal activity? This is what makes “spiritualists” so fucking useless. Nothing but gullible, simple-ass, bitches.

This is how people who believe in RODS operate:

Remember, people lie for attention, to avoid punishment, and also because they are too fucking goddamn stupid to know the truth to tell you it.

If you’ve ever watched Fox News, though I’m sure you’ve all tried you best to scoot out of the room to fuck a cheese grater instead, then you’ll know who Frank Luntz is and what he does to journalism. In short, he checks it into the glass then fucks it unmercifully under the guise of being scientific and honest.

Recently caught stuffing focus groups here he is constantly seen during this election cycle as a conduit to the opinions of a group of “randomly” selected “undecided” “voters”, though in reality he’s a con-artist. He manipulates questions posed to those polled as to receive the desired result. He claims he’s work is scientific and sound, though injecting biases and partiality into a poll defeats the very purpose of the analysis. Just another cook-the-books, shameless, republican whore. Now, I’m not naive enough to assume that there’s some magical poll that one can create that won’t prove divisive in some shape or form but it’s the intent that makes what Frank does despicable. His intent to only give poll results that meet the needs of (benefit) the company or concern that requests it is why he should be ignored as a credible source of “clean intel”. The fact that Fox props him up to support their out-of-touch and dangerous ideology pisses me the fuck off. The guy is a slave, selling out all of us for scraps from the table.

A funny (and short video) talking about Frank narrated by the lovable Penn Gillette describes further:

It seems that the dreamers at Art. Lebedev Studio have dreamed up another interface on which nerds the earth over would like to wet their whistles. The OLED phenom, Maximis that gouged many a bank account in sheer anticipation of its release is to be followed with a tactile-free edition of a similar wonderment called the Tactus. We can only hope for the same usability and flexibility provided by fellow siblings of the Optimus famil…..wait, that’s right, they’ve not released jack shit, minus the deviously useless Optimus Mini which should only be considered proof-of-concept abortionware.

Sorry to be such a hard-on over this company but, what the fuck? Great. You’re coming out with more innovative concepts. Wonderful. Why don’t you finish the original goddamn product, especially since you’re currently taking orders for, but not shipping a very costly keyboard. I haven’t put any money on the original Maximus, but I can’t only image how pissed these “adopters” are in seeing more credit-candy hit the Lebedev homepage.

I get it. You’re geniuses of modern keyboard design. Gotcha. How about finishing the fucking thing?

Pretty hawt, huh? Just don’t hold your breath for this release. You will surely die, and your kids will have to start biting the bikehorn to feed themselves. Scumbag.

Update! – 01/08/2008

Well thank christ I’m here to post such scathing remarks regarding the slow ass molassass release schedule behind the Optimus Maximus keyboard, because now (as a direct result of my reporting, I can only assume) there is news of a full-functional Maximus at CES 2008.

Engadget Coverage

WEEE

First off, FUCK MICROSOFT SUPPORT! Ok, with that out of the way I can get down to the nitties underneath the shit-stain that is Microsoft. I’ve been spending a bit of my time lately giving the company another chance after countless disappointments. Well I’ve been reminded that I shouldn’t trust this corporation to make the right decisions and that they need to seriously reconsider their current support outsourcing arrangements.

Pop Quiz:

Q: What’s worse than feeling that you have no control over a situation and that you are at the mercy of some call-center cog who not only doesn’t understand your problem but is unable to discuss a solution outside of what’s on their call script?

A: Having no control over a situation whilst being at the mercy of some call-center cog who not only doesn’t understand your problem but is unable to discuss a solution outside of what’s on their call script.

To the technician I spoke to last night regarding the 30 days I’ve waited for a box to ship my second busted ass console. Oh, and they hadn’t even sent me a single email after having spoken to three different jackoffs, explicitly asked to do so….anyways:

First off “Josh”, your name isn’t fucking “Josh”, ok? Do you honestly think that I’m going to treat you any different when you give me a fake name and try to shove apple pie up my ass? Yes, granted, you may have a doctorate and speak many more tongues than Sulu’s had in his asshole but when you “stick to the script” you sound like a moron.

Secondly,

To the stupid shit who came up with the voice and character for the automated xbox support line:

Eat my shit

Starting every sentence with “hey” in a raspy bullshit fashion makes me want to snap my phone in half.

Summary:
Raspy, Gen-Y, Techie, Male, Automated Voice who Uses Contractions: “Hey, I see you’ve already got a xbox service order…”
Me: “Fuck you”
RGTMAVUC: “I’m sorry, I didn’t catch that, yo-”
Me: “FUCK YOU”
RGTMAVUC: “Gotcha…”
Me: *click*

In closing, if you feel you need a frustrating experience under your belt before you expire via your usual auto-erotic asphyxiation session try XBOX Support.

Here for fun!

I hearty diversion, worth a few seconds time…