Magic John Stone here with more rage focused on everyone’s favorite Zealots. Ever since Tuesday, when I wrote my article about the Air blowing (lol), I’ve read at least an article a day about the Air and how Apple is trying to trick-fuck consumers into biting the bullet for 1800 clams (plus tax, warranty, etc.).
Part of me is saddened by Apple’s latest release. On the surface, the Air gives me a vlasic pickle with it’s Airstream looks and simplicity. However, therein lies the problem. Apple’s betting that because their new product petrifies your stick that you’ll “Just Buy One”…hoping that it’ll “Just Work”. Well, in order for me (again, other than blogging, I’m no journalist) to “Just Work” with an Air with the versatility of my 2 year old Dell, I’d have to spill the following dosh:
Base Price: $1899.99
Superdrive: $99.99
Ethernet Adapter: $29.99
Modem Adapter: $49.99
AppleCare: $249.99
——————
Total: $2225.00
Granted, the Air does have a 1.6 C2D and 2gb ram, while my XPS has only a 2.0 Pm and 1 gb ram. However I’ve got a 100gb 7200rpm drive, vs a max 80 5400rpm drive on the Air. I’ve also got s-video out, a mic port, PCMCIA, 4x the usb ports, standard VGA out, a built-in DVD burner, a 14″ screen and a battery that I can replace. Then I added a usb TV tuner and usb GPS module, and Dell’s 3 year support. For $1800. And that was 2 years ago.
I guess where I have a problem with this situation is how as usual, Apple’s acting like they’ve invented a new class of technology through some magical innovation. Well, stripping off an optical drive, 75% of the ports and making the battery non-user replaceable isn’t innovation, it’s just country dumb.
What makes the Air so thin?
Apple: “Practically every detail that could be streamlined has been.”
Magic John Stone:
“Duh…streamlined right-the-fuck off”
So many innovations, so little space.
Apple: “The incredible thinness of MacBook Air is the result of numerous size- and weight-shaving innovations. From a slimmer hard drive to strategically hidden I/O ports to a lower-profile battery, everything has been considered and reconsidered with thinness in mind..”
Magic John Stone:
“Strategically hidden, like gone? Consider that the ports are there because people need them”
Built for the wireless world.
Apple: “MacBook Air is designed and engineered to take full advantage of the wireless world”
Magic John Stone:
“Built for a wireless world that doesn’t include laptops that use either built in 3G cellular or have PCMCIA slots for cellular expansion cards”
In describing the Air:
Apple: “Thinnovation”
Magic John Stone:
“An all around ass-rape that you can mail in a standard envelope”
Yeah, the Air is the first laptop that I know of that has an LED-lit screen…but they aren’t the first to show the technology, it’s been out for months already. Sacrificing function for form isn’t new for Apple, their affordable class of pc, the iMac, takes all of your expansion ability away. Last I checked, it didn’t cost more to build expandability into PC components. And wasn’t the whole ‘advantage’ to switching from apple-hardware to pc-hardware many moons ago to invite more expansion and lower costs? Seems like all that did was expand Apple’s profit margin.
So, in closing, fuck you Apple! Keep fucking early adopters with your tiny product cycles, shit pricing schemes and software trickery. I was smitten with the iPhone until I saw what happened to the people that bought gen1 (double memory, cheaper price after 2 months), and then what happened to people that bought the gen1 iPod Touch (must fork over more money for now standard software), and now how you’re dragging your balls on integrating IM, flash, and other features to the iPhone that would make it truly must-have.